Opinion | Why Apple's car will be a mess

We are spoilt for choice when it comes to car, not just in the monetary sense, but everything related to motoring, right through from aesthetics, features, innovation to speed and performance. Case in point would be the Bugatti Veyron which is double as fast than the Sunbeam Bluebird, a car that was used in 1924 for the land speed record.

A couple of decades in innovation later, Tesla came into play, featuring something that was said to be impossible to be reliable. A completely electric car with decent range and hair raising performance, also, the only electric car you buy if you are serious about going green and a true car lover. At least until Porsche launches their e-car.

1924 Sunbeam Bluebird

Change is coming, and I was quite positive about it, until rumours began to spread about Apple trying to join in. Why in the world would they try to compete in an already struggling industry? What would they bring, and how would they re-invent the car?

Simple. They won’t, at least they can’t. Plastered with overpriced gadgets and gizmos, they once changed the world with cell phones and music players. They were the Sony Walkman of the new age, and just like Sony tried to revive an old brand to save their asses, Apple is now doing the same.

The car can be improved upon, but not reinvented, not in the conventional way. I see a lot of small, overpriced autonomous bots whizzing up and down, getting your groceries, dropping gifts of as you sit on your obese ass, video conferencing a birthday party. But the catch is all this works only if you have an apple subscription. That’s not motoring. That’s not living.

Similar to Google with a smiley faced self-drive machine, Apple is trying something that takes away all the joy of midlife crisis’s, all the freedom cars offer, in what they claim to enrich life, make people safer, and better life. No, B** S***, I can think of a plethora of reasons why this will not work, most of them outside the scope of motoring, directly contributing to job losses.

Tesla in my opinion, is the only one I agree with on their vision of the future. They are working on an Autopilot, that makes sense, it alleviates the pressure of long roads, makes road trips a bit better, but still allows for a fun drive on the occasional day.

Apple, well, they don’t know yet. Although secretive, is understood that they are not sure what type of car they will build, whether its electric, self-drive, or both. Mercedes has seen two world wars; BMW and Fiat made war machines, Rolls Royce made, and still makes aircraft engines. All things true to motoring and engineering. Writing a few lines of code does not translate to motoring, nor does making technology an extension of one’s self.

A car is, or at least was, an extension of yourself, a door to freedom and responsibility, a door to the adult world. A tool for creativity, especially when it comes to concealing it when you are at the local bar and you don’t want your wife to find out.

I get nostalgic when I see an old Porsche, or a pristine 1985 Toyota Corolla, or any well-kept old car for that matter. When I see my first Cell phone though, I still can’t help wondering if it will be an effective murder weapon.

To sum it all up then, Apples attempt will fail, because its not a car, it will be just a machine that plays on the emotion of sheeple.

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